Seek Me

On our family room wall we have a beautiful painting with the words of Jeremiah 29:11 painted on it. For years this has been one of my favorite bible verses and has strengthened me with God's promise through many difficult times. It is a promise that I pray over my children with the hope that these words will carry them throughout their life as they make choices without me by their side. It is a reminder to them that He has a plan for their lives. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,  declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Praise God! But, the problem is I have focused on that verse for so long that I haven't read on. I have stopped at verse 11.  I didn't read on.

We read in verse 12, "Then YOU will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. YOU will seek me and find me when YOU seek me with ALL YOUR heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and bring you back from captivity."


Image from TodaysBibleVerse.com
 

The Lord has not forgotten His people. The problem is we forget Him every day. In our hurry to get out the door and begin we diminish the importance of SEEKING Him. I will be the first to admit that many days I find myself spending time with Him in the midst of my morning commute! My time spent with Him on those mornings make for a pretty embarrassing transcript.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for this day! Thank you for.....

.....did I turn off the coffee pot? Do the kids have their coats? I need to stop by the bank.

then a voice from the back seat, "Mama..RED LIGHT!!!"

I love the fact that I serve a Lord who I can communicate with at all times but giving Him what is left of my attention is not seeking Him. As a matter of fact I am pretty sure as Francis Chan says, it offends Him. I think I would lose all of my friends quickly if every time we spoke on the phone I said, "Hello...How are you?" but never gave them a chance to speak and certainly did not even try to hear what they were saying. Worse yet...what if I hung up on them on many of our conversations. You know the prayers where you are laying in bed at night and fall asleep before you reach the end or even Amen? I do! 

My list of reasons why I frequently have missed spending time with Him are long. I might as well of had roosters as children because they are up announcing the sunrise every morning  long before the sun thinks of appearing in the sky! That and the fact that they don't always sleep through the night tends to make me more prone to those interrupted prayers at bedtime that end with ZZZZZ instead of Amen! It makes setting my alarm for an unreasonable hour in the morning even more painful to do. But the truth is when I don't SEEK HIM how can I expect to be able to recognize the plans He has to prosper me? 

Jeremiah 29:11 receives a lot of attention and for good reason. But, read on. Are you captive to your busy day? Your distracted thoughts? Your to do list? Your job? Your children? He says, "Seek Me."

 







Where You Are is Where Your Work is Found..

Ever leave church feeling guilty? Or, if you are woman, wake up feeling guilty and go to bed feeling guilty? As a woman I honestly think most of us wake up and wrap ourselves in it. Whether it is over what we ate or didn't eat, how much we worked or didn't work, our time in or out of the gym, the friend we forgot to call or the card that is celebrating a birthday that was last week. Whatever the case my be, I find myself feeling it almost daily..that nagging feeling ...my ugly friend...guilt.

Now don't get me wrong. I think guilt can be a wonderful thing when it acts as a guardrail and bounces us back onto the road before finding real danger. Ever feel paralyzed by what you can't do? After weeks of leaving church feeling guilty about the bible study I couldn't do, the Life Groups we were not able to attend and the millions of events and committees I was not able to serve on I started to feel crippled by always having to say no.

After weeks of being disgruntled over the things I couldn't do my wise and very patient husband made it so clear to me. He said, "why don't you just do those things where you are?" Oh, who knew? You mean, to have a meal ministry you don't have to sign up on a committee at church? And, to have a Life Group, you can create one with those who are experience life in a very similar way and already walking with you in this season of life? Surely it can't be that easy!

In the matter of a few months God has revealed to me an amazing opportunity for my own ministries in my circle of friends and immediate circles of influence. With each small baby step of faith he has confirmed my faithfulness, grown my confidence and multiplied my blessings. Whether it be taking a meal to a friend with a new baby, or a couple in need, I have soon realized that God uses us where we are! And, we are not in that place by chance!

I have been so encouraged by how God is using me in my role as a mother to pour His love out on other mothers. Through my imperfections His glory is shown. If He could use someone like me, He most certainly could use you to be a blessing where you are!

So my question to you is are you paralyzed today in guilt over the many things you feel you can't do? If so, consider this: what if God has allowed you to be in that place for the simple purpose of creating a ministry through you in the midst of the chaos!

What has he laid on your heart? It may not be a Bible Study or a meal ministry. Maybe it is a card. Send the card. Or a phone call. Pick up the phone. There is something, right where you are, that God has pre orchestrated for YOU. In this time, in this space, in this season...he can use YOU, right where you are...that is where your work is found.

It is time to get started.

Grandma

My grandma is one of the most special people in my life. Today, I had the chance to tell her just how special she is to me! I had the unique opportunity to write a tribute to be read to her at a special celebration for her 70 years of service as a pianist  and organist for her church.



                              (Here is a picture from a few years ago when Grandma came to be
                                 interviewed by my second grade students)
                                  With her sweet dog, Ginger and Noah (around 3 months old)


Nervously, a little seven-year-old girl sat down at the piano for the first time. Her fingers waited anxiously for instruction as she listened intently to her stern, old fashioned, teacher Mrs. Wile. Mrs. Wile wore her hair pulled tightly in a bun and wore glasses that pinched her nose. The lesson would begin as Mrs. Wile placed her pocket watch on the piano. It was time to learn how to play. The first song she would learn how to play in 1937 was titled, Long, Long, Ago.  Boy, was that song a chore! Mrs. Wile expected both hands to do something different! 

I wonder if Mrs. Wile knew what an amazing musician her student would become? Even more, I wonder if Mrs. Wile could ever imagine how the little girl she once taught would go on to teach so many what she had learned.

Over the years, that little girl, Pat Ward, has grown to be a great grandmother and has taught multiple generations what she has learned on the piano and organ.  She says that she is thankful for Mrs. Wile and the way she taught her to play.

As her granddaughter, I know from sitting down at Grandma’s piano in her magical basement where she taught, that there was nothing to be nervous about when she was teaching. Although I was not her student, I often asked her to play for me and assist me in what I was trying to learn. I could never understand how she could make one hand go one way and the other go another all the while turning pages of sheet music and pushing pedals. In addition, I always found myself distracted by knowing she kept stickers in her piano bench, comics in a basket, and lollipops in a jar for her students.

I am not sure the number of students who sat beside Grandma as she taught but I do know, when I was next to her, time stood still as she played. And when the song was finished, I would always ask to hear more.

Her music has graced Park Church for over 70 years. It filled this sanctuary with reverence and has accompanied many generations in memorable life events, praise, and worship. And, I am confident, that through her music she introduced the power of the Holy Spirit to many. as music is a passageway to the heart and soul.

Though many things have changed over the years, one has not. That is the gentle, kind hearted, spirit of the one who plays the ivory keys. Though this celebration is a tribute towards her years of service as a talented musician in this church, I would like to take a moment to recognize her for not just what she does through music but who she is at heart.

Grandma’s heart overflows with the desire to help others. Her blessings are shared with the world through her compassion for others and self sacrifice to provide and help those in need. Her laughter illuminates all who hear and quickly becomes contagious. She is a prayer warrior with a positive uplifting spirit.  She demonstrates an incredible work ethic of commitment, passion and desire to follow the calling of her Lord Jesus Christ.

To me, Grandma Ward has been an example of the fruit of the Spirit.  She overflows with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Grandma has always been a constant example of God’s love to her family and those around her. 

My hope is each time you are reminded of my Grandma Ward through a song you hear or a memory you have, you lift her up in prayer and reach out to remind her that her music still plays in the memories you have with her.

I would love to hear the many ways that Grandma has impacted the lives in this church. Equally so, I would love to hear the many humorous stories that begin with “I remember when….”  And end with Grandma’s infectious laugh that I love so much!

In closing, I think it is only fair to share a few bloopers that Grandma mistakenly told me about.  One of her stories begins…one time the janitor waxed my piano bench a little too good…Another she tells is of the time she was playing Nearer My God to Thee when the sheet music fell. She continued playing with one hand while the other hand was reaching and feeling on the pedals to find the rest of her music! She  shared of times when she would begin playing one hymn and while finishing would realize she had switched to a different song half way through. Grandma was just before her time and had her own Gospel remix going on!

I am so thankful for the little girl who learned how to play the piano so many years ago.  Even more so, I am thankful for a best friend who I call Grandma; who has taught me so much more than notes on a scale. And, I feel certain that she has left you, too, with more than just memories of beautiful music.

Psalm 95:2 “Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song.”

Playing for Noah as an infant


                                                                Holding Zach




The Things They Say

On our way to preschool summer camp this morning:


Noah:  Mama, the sign says "No Trucks Passings" and there are trucks passing us on the road.

Mama: Where are the trucks passing us Noah?

Noah: On the other side of the road where the sign is.

Mama: Which sign?

Noah: That one.

(Apparently, his Daddy must have told him what the sign said and what he heard was No Trucks Passing!)

                                                                     ********

Earlier this week at a little farewell party for a friend someone asked Noah when his birthday was and he looked up at me. I responded December 16th and he said, "I get another one, Mama?" with a huge grin on his sweet face...much like in this picture! :)


By the book...

With our first born we wanted to do everything by the book. Surely the book must know better than we did because honestly, we knew nothing. (or so we thought) We were just thankful to have something to tell us what to do! I measured my successes at different baby stages by the book. And, by the book, I mean library full of child rearing, baby raising, non fiction.

Now, I have to laugh because if I were to measure myself by the many baby books out there it would say that my baby should have been sleeping through the night months ago. With our first born, Noah, was sleeping through the night in his own room by 2 months old. I was desperate for sleep because I was teaching full time and trying to navigate this new role as a working mom. I did everything the book said to do to get him to sleep plus the many other tactics (and prayers) we were encouraged to do.

Fast forward three years later, our second born, Zach, is almost 7 months old. He is not sleeping through the night and is still sleeping in a pack in play in our bedroom much to my husband's dismay. I have stopped reading the baby books. Perhaps I should wipe off the dust and review some of what I have forgotten. Maybe it is not actually what I have forgotten but what I have learned that makes me more prone to allowing him a little extra time in our room. 

 I am learning that different phases of life welcome new approaches.  I have realized that in what will feel like in an instant this precious baby of mine won't be a baby anymore.  So maybe ...for now...it's ok to wake up and see his beautiful, chubby little face at 3:00 in the morning when all of the books say I should let him cry.

 I am going to pick him up and rock him for awhile. Because, all too soon, the tiny baby I once held in one arm will out grow my lap and the midnight moments will vanish only to become a memory.



Mama, Is this Heaven?


Explaining life and death to a preschooler  seemed so difficult. In preparing for my grandfather's funeral I explained to Noah that Great Grandpa was no longer sick because he went to be with Jesus in Heaven. Noah accepted this explanation with great certainty and very few questions. 

When we arrived at the funeral home for calling hours, Noah saw Grandpa laying  in his casket. I saw where his eyes were focused and picked him up to begin explaining. Before I could, Noah said, "Mama, Is this Heaven? Is Jesus here?"

My precious son, I can only imagine how that would have made your Great  Grandpa smile.  Thirty years with Grandpa has left me with many stories to tell however the ones I look forward to retelling the most, are the ones I will share with my boys. 







Measuring a Mother

While sitting in the pediatrician's waiting room for over an hour with my two little ones,  I had run out of  entertaining antics for my 3 year old and he'd eaten every snack stashed my purse and diaper bag. As he played on his Leapster, I looked over at our little newborn sleeping away. I couldn't help but feel a little anxiety well up inside me knowing that our window of contentment was shortening as the little one would be waking up very hungry soon. To pass the time I began to scan the very crowded waiting room. I started looking at the children and their families. Soon, I caught myself creating stories and wonderings to accompany each. I had to stop myself from the judgmental thoughts good or bad that I began to assign to others. It reminded me of a very powerful message that our pastor gave last Sunday. I myself have felt unfairly measured as a mother. Those feelings have come from others as much as they have come from myself. Let me explain.



From the day a woman discovers she is pregnant she begins to create her ideal birth story. After miscarrying three times, I have learned what a miracle it is to reach that precious birth day.  After Noah's very difficult birth,  I had high hopes for a different experience with Zachary. At my 37 week appointment I was shocked to find out we would be having our baby the very next day due to a weakened placenta. I was scheduled to have a c-section first thing the next morning, Friday the 13th.

Soon after Zachary was born he was transported to a NICU an hour away due to underdeveloped lungs. None of us expected this outcome for him.  It would be 4 long days later before I held him for the first time. All in all he spent 7 days in the hospital. For us, we had never considered that as part of his birth story, who does? Although, when he is older I will tell them that he was just following in his mommy's footsteps. I myself was born at 28 weeks and spent 3 months in the NICU.



While in the hospital I really struggled with all kinds of emotions. Especially when I would hear the other babies crying in the rooms around me knowing that their mothers were there to comfort them and I would not be there to comfort my own those first few days while I was still in the hospital. A very dear friend came to pray for me while I was in the hospital. I shared these feelings with her and she reminded me though my hands were not holding Zachary, God's hands had never let go. The same hands that knit him together were holding him still.



Friday the 13th is considered an unlucky day to many. To me, now, it is a beautiful day that God brought forth our precious son, Zachary. Though I would not have written our birth story the way it is now told, I would not change it either. God will show himself in mighty ways during these difficult times. It is up to us to see his good works.






From the beginning it has been a struggle not to measure myself with disappointment in my own eyes because of the difference (in many things) in what actually happened compared to how I envisioned things happening. That is when I call upon scripture  "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful I know that full well". God knew the way our children would be brought into this world.

As I continued  to look around the waiting room at the pediatrician's office I realize that we will all  judge and be judged it's part of our sinful nature. As mothers, we can be so cruel to each other though our thoughts may never even be spoken. Natural birth or cesarean, breastfed or bottle fed, cloth diaper or disposable diaper, organic or from a box....When we take the time to hear someone's story it's far less easy to pass judgement on someone and on the decisions they make or... the decisions that they didn't have a choice to make. I'm also learning never to say "I would never....or I will always.." because I will soon have to put my foot in my mouth if I do! Mothers can also be such powerful advocates for each other when we build each other up and listen to each others' stories.

Though my desire is to be an incredible mother, my worth does not come from how others view me as one. This is something I have to remind myself of daily.  As my children grow and make their own decisions my hope is that I will teach them well but I must always be careful to remember that my self worth as a person and as a mother is not dependent on how well they behave, how successful they become or the mistakes they make. My self worth is found in the one who created me, in thee only judge.












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One 39 fourteen

Refocusing in the New Year has prompted a change of address and name for this blog.




If Facebook was scripture, I'd know it by heart. My computer recognizes my addiction to the extent of when I type "www" into the web browser it immediately suggests "www.facebook.com". My blackberry lures me to check my page by flashing the little red light on the screen over and over until I check. 




Chances are if you ask me about someone's status update, I could tell you where/what they are doing or did. Ask me when I last spoke to this person face to face....that I may not be able to tell you.


I confess, I am completely and utterly addicted to your business. Your message, comment or "like" makes my impatient phone flash a red light until I eagerly check it. And, well, my computer doesn't need the flashing red light because it has already figured me out and knows that is where I want to go before I type it into the web browser. 


So all this time checking recently updated status listings has surely accumulated over the years. I don't have much to show for it. Except that I could tell you various family, friends and acquaintances most recent trips, kid's photos, life experiences or general fluff to fill the status box. The problem in this is that I LOVE the fluff a little too much. It has taken me away from being present with my own little one. Anyone beside me ever tell their child to hold on a few minutes ....meanwhile I ignore him so I can post pictures of him on FB and write about how much I love him? Guilty.


I am going to try in this new year to be less obsessed with status updates and more interested in hearing from God. Too bad he doesn't write on my facebook page, just kidding!! What if God wrote my status update for me? What would it say? 


Facebook and Blogs can be incredible tools to connect, grow and learn from and with others. But, more often than not for me, they are are time consuming distractors from my family and from God. I want my first thought when I wake up to be what is God speaking to my heart today instead of what is new on my FB page.


On this first day of 2012 it is mighty tempting to list resolutions of the flesh. Stop this, do that, lose this, start that..I don't think I can do resolutions anymore because I've never been successful with them over long periods of time. Then again, I've never found favor in anything I've tried to do apart from God. I think instead  of resolutions, mine are prayers. It's only through His help that I accomplish anything in this life.


                  Rejoice on the journey
                  Read His word. Hear His voice.
                  Put faith into Action.




My prayer for 2012 is for God to see my true devotion to Him above all else. I want to live with such conviction and faith as Job does in Psalm 139, when he asks God in this prayer to search and know his heart.


I especially am going to focus this year on verse 14 of Psalm 139:


"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."





Next year at this time, I hope I know less about status updates and more about scripture. I'd like to share this in closing from the devotional, Jesus Calling page 2 January 1


"Come to me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close walk with Me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year, Instead seek My face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind. As you focus your thoughts on Me, be aware that I am fully attentive to you. I see you with a steady eye, because My attention span is infinite. I know and understand you completely: My thoughts embrace you in everlasting Love. I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My presence."




Happy New Year