Our God is healer, awesome in power...

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

 

I came across this video through a friend's Facebook page today and it left me completely wrecked and awestruck by God's grace and unending love. I myself am a miracle baby born at just 28 weeks weighing 3 lbs 4 oz and dropping down to 2 lbs 9 oz soon after birth. Being born premature, I was in the NICU at Akron Children's Hospital for 3 months. The day I came home I weighed 4 lbs 15 oz.

Three years prior to my birth, my parents gave birth to Kimberly Michelle, my older sister. She was born at 26 weeks weighing 1 lb 15 oz and died three days after birth. My mom was so sick from complications she herself almost passed away. Only God could bring the type of healing that is needed to continue on after such a devastating loss.

Two years later, after my parents were told they could not have any more children, they went through the process to adopt my brother. Aaron was born on March 25th, 1981 and adopted by our parents around 3 months old. Soon after his adoption was finalized, our parents found out they were expecting another baby. I can only wonder what their first thoughts were? Extreme fear? Sheer joy? Both? I came into the world 3 months early on March 30th, 1982 exactly one year and five days after my brother. 

Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go."

Now a mother myself, I have thought many times of my mother's heart, her love for all of her children and the loss she experienced. I have thought so much of my dad and how painful it must of been for him to lose his little girl then almost lose his wife. I think about God's great mercy on us and the life he has given to us. I think about my own journey of becoming a mother.

We lost our first baby due to a miscarriage in the 8th week of pregnancy in November of 2007. Then, in December 2008 we were overjoyed and blessed to welcome our son, Noah. He has brought more joy to our lives than we had ever experienced before. He has shown us what it means to love unconditionally, unselfishly, and with a gracious heart. We lost our second baby to a miscarriage in August 2010 around 8 weeks. Then, in March of 2011, we lost our third baby miscarrying in the 9th week of pregnancy. We are now expecting again and are 20 weeks along. Through our suffering at the repeated loss of life, we also found such great gratitude and appreciation in the life of our son. The third miscarriage was especially difficult on us physically and emotionally. I ended up having to have a D&C procedure, then a second D&C procedure a week later due to complications. During this time I journaled my prayers and dealt with great anger at God. While speaking to my pastor, he brought healing through his powerful words. He assured me that life, eternal life, begins at conception. God has created a life. That baby already fully exists spiritually. When a baby does not make it to birth, in a way it is an amazing gift to them because they go straight from their mother's womb to the heart of God. They only know two places, their mother's womb and the heart of God. It is the farthest thing from thinking, "what did I do wrong, what's wrong with me?" When understanding it differently, it made me feel like God chose me to carry these babies that he would bring straight to him.

Though I hope to not experience the loss of another baby ever again, I know through Jeremiah 29:11 that he has "plans to prosper (me) and not to harm (me), plans to give me hope for a future. This current pregnancy has been a constant reminder of God's great love and affection towards us. We have received incredible care through our physicians and have had an extremely healthy pregnancy. I share this today in hopes that someone reading this will find comfort in it through God's grace. It is astounding the number of woman who have had great difficulty in conceiving, carrying or birthing a child (children). However, I know a sovereign God whose strength is greater, awesome in power and who is higher than any other.

In Him, I put my hope.

Psalm 107: 28-31 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men.

I thank Him for the awesome testimony that this video is to so many families in our world. I thank Him for the life he has created inside of me, for the 20 weeks I've had to carry this precious child already and for the hope of a lifetime of caring for this child of God.