A Baby Changes Everything

2008

Three years ago, the Christmas story transformed from a very powerful, familiar story of Jesus' birth, to a far greater understanding of his love for us. The story changed for me on December 16, 2008. Expecting a child in the midst of the Christmas season made me really think more about the Virgin Mary and the birth of Jesus Christ.  I was terrified of the idea of birthing a baby even under the care of doctors and nurses in a hospital. How must Mary have felt in a dark, cold manager filled with animals instead of doctors? 

Holding Noah for the first time filled me with a new found love that was unimaginable and indescribable. 

 This new kind of love I felt was an all consuming love. One that filled me emotions I had never experienced before. Instantly I was ready to do whatever necessary to care for, nurture,  protect, guide, raise, teach and love this precious child. The urge to shield this delicate infant from any and all pain turned my stomach into knots when the nurses drew his blood for the first time. As time has gone on, I have realized my  desire as a mother is not to be a "great" parent by reading books and getting advice from others, but it is to mimic Thee Great Parent, my Heavenly Father. He sent his only son, a precious baby boy born in the manager, knowing that he would grow to be crucified on the cross for our sins. Now knowing how excruciating it is to see my own child endure any kind of suffering, I cannot fathom how hard it must have been for God to watch His son die on the cross. Even more, the tender newborn hands that would grow to bare the scars of the cross for a sinner like me.  

Holding Noah's hands are a reminder of how God has shown me His indescribable love. Though it took childbirth for me to grasp a much greater understanding of God's love, I believe everyone has their own journey towards that understanding and it surely is not through child birth for everyone. My prayer though is that God uses something very powerful and meaningful in your life to show His love for you.

Now, three years later, in this Christmas season we await the arrival of another baby boy in our family. I look forward to the many ways God is going to use this child to draw me ever closer to Him. Noah is the best earthly gift Rob and I have been given. However, I pray this Holiday season you receive the greatest gift of all, the unconditional love from Thee Great Parent, that comes when you accept Christ as your savior. 

                

                                                                           2011

Finally Finished

We are finally finished with our attic remodel!!

Tradition

Traditions. Simple actions that become lifetime memories. Memories that are passed on. Ones that are remembered. Tonight was the beginning of a new tradition in our home. We love carving pumpkins.We were blessed this year to have Nana and Papa with us from Ohio so they made the evening even more special.

After dinner we carved a traditional pumpkin and drilled, yes drilled, a pumpkin. I had seen the idea on the great "Play at Home Mom blog", they called it  Power Tool Pumpkins. Then, today while flipping through the channels they featured a similar idea for a table center piece on a new show called, The Chew. They didn't carve out the pumpkin, instead drilled the holes and inserted lollipops into them. It was a cute idea. Here is our version of Power Tool Pumpkins. Thanks for the great idea Play at Home Moms!

Then, we all watched Charlie Brown's The Great Pumpkin while snacking on Kettle Corn and fresh Apple Cider. The little one ended in the evening in his Halloween pj's with Froggy's Halloween  for story time. It was a precious evening and I will cherish this memory. My hope is for this memory to come to life each year as we celebrate Halloween as a family.

PS. After dinner this evening we tried a new dessert that I found through Pinterest. Here is a link to Pumpkin Pie Dip. It's delicious and easy!

Paci Puppy

Pacify. Comfort. Soothe. I guess I  am to blame for my nearly 3 year old still having a pacifier and for his ever changing teeth that continue to tell the world he is a child addicted to a pacifier. Why? The thought of comforting him has been more important to me than doing what I know is best for him. I suppose this is the hard part of parenting when you realize that you are the crutch for something you see in your child that you want to change. It's been so much easier just allowing him to have his "paci" (as he calls it) at night. But my rational is/was two fold. One, it does provide great comfort to him. But, two, it allows me to sleep uninterrupted.

It's been really easy to justify his obsession as just that but when I really think about it, it's equally my hesitation to say goodbye to the last piece of "baby" in him. The truth is his pacifier not only comforted him but also comforted me with the idea that he wasn't growing up as quickly as he is!

I've been asking others for ideas of how they were able to help their kids end their pacifier days. I've heard it all from throwing them away, sending them to children in need, having the doctor take it and the list goes on. However, my sister in law shared an idea with me about putting them inside of a bear at Build a Bear. I loved the idea! Turns out it's a fairly common idea as the girls at Build a Bear said they had made several before.

Noah picked the animal he wanted - a puppy. We stuffed the pacifiers in the arms and feet so he could still feel them then filled him up with stuffing. Noah enjoyed giving his new puppy a bath but decided that he didn't want any clothes for him - only a leash.

 
Last night was his first night without his pacifier. He cried a little and said he missed his Paci, however he made it through the night. We'll see how it goes...I wanted to hug him and say, "I miss it, too!". But instead, I praised him for being so brave and told him how proud I was of my big boy who is growing up.

Whose your Daddy?

"...and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28:20

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." - Hebrews 12:1

Self Control

This video is a  "divine highlighter" of truth.  Watch it. It's worth your time, I promise.










All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new


-Beautiful Things by Gungor


"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth." -Psalm 46:10


"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." - Numbers 6:24-26

Be Present

Turn off hurry, worry and busy and spend some time with God.

Flashing Lights

I cannot remember how the world looked when I was three feet tall, however I imagine that I may have been better able to notice the vibrance of colors and excitement of things I now overlook.  For example, I think light up shoes are pretty snazzy but I would say that they probably could not entertain me for hours on end or distract me at school because of their brilliance.  I probably wouldn't change the way I walk to appease the firework display of my rubber soles. All in the same time, I know if they had existed (I can't ever remember having light up shoes) there would have been a magical time in my life that the flashing lights glittering the world in reds, blues and whites from my special feet would have captivated me too.
Some may see them as a distraction (been there - as a teacher) however I am starting to see them from a 36 inch perspective as spectacular.


I know that too quickly the little man stomping behind me will cease to be amazed by his flashing lights. Until then, I'm grateful his growth spurts made us try on four different pairs of shoes yesterday before starting our day to realize that he had literally outgrown his shoes overnight. Who knew a growth spurt would be the catalyst for such joy.

Attic Remodel

Advantages to making the decision to become a stay at home mom: endless. One big disadvantage to staying at home: having an entire classroom, acquired over the years, collecting dust in my attic!

The combination of an self diagnosed OCD personality and pregnancy nesting hormones have made it very difficult for me to be content with the mess my attic has become. It has also made it difficult to find books, tools and educational things that I'd like to use with my own son for the lack of not being able to locate much in the mountain of stuff.

After much discussion and preparation we made the decision to finish our attic and remodel the space. We are turning it into an additional living space and organized storage space. The living space will be similar to a little classroom with the intent to be used as a "Study/Homework" room. We had to be creative in the design to make the room flexible enough to "grow" as our needs for the space change over the year. 

       

The process...  

1.Move contents out of attic - yikes! 

2. Apologize to all potential house guests for having no room in the Inn. As the guest bedroom has turned into a storage unit for the attic remodel.(unable to show picture for fear of being turned into TLC's tv show Hoarders. Use your imagination - it's bad.)

3.Have a Garage Sale ..it's time to clear out some space!

 4. Realize I'm a bit over my head and bring in some help. Began consulting with a brilliant interior designer. 

(A sneak peak of what's coming....built in bookshelves, two built in desks, a window reading nook, storage closets and cabinets.)

5. Finalize blue prints and finishes.

                            The rug, the carpet and the paint finishes.


6. Begin Construction!!! Hooray!


I'll be anxious to post updates along the way. I cannot wait to see the finished room! 

Quiet Time Basket

Today I started attending a bible study through my church called Magnificent Obsession by Anne Graham Lotz. She has an interesting approach to her quiet time and I'm looking forward to spending more time in the word. Before the study began, the host of the study was giving some tips to making quiet time more successful.  She spoke about the idea of a prayer basket where you keep all the items you use during your quiet time so you don't have to search for them before you begin thus cutting into the time you have to do your devotional. I thought it sounded like a great idea because I struggle to maintain a consistent quiet time and seem to find many distractions that take away from the time I do have to do it. Tonight, I used her idea and put together a devotional basket. My basket includes: my Bible, a journal, pens, highlighter, tissues, and my current devotional books. I am hoping this helps me focus and be more intentional with my time! Try it! Anyone else have any tips on making a more successful routine of quiet times? 

It's a ....

Thursday, September 15, 2011

We've finally reached the 20 week milestone along with the awaited anatomy ultrasound scan. For weeks we have been undecided on if we were going to find out the gender. However,  Noah has proclaimed it is a boy since we told him we were going to have a baby several weeks ago.We went to our appointment not knowing if we were going to find out or not because we were a house divided on our thoughts of finding out! I'd come to accept that I would probably not find out because I could not keep a secret like that from Rob!

At the appointment, after much surprise Rob gave me the go ahead to find out (he was hoping to find out the day we delivered)! Though I thought  about asking, "Are you sure?" I decided I'd better not hesitate and go with the thumbs up!

Turns out, Noah was right! He will have a little brother this February (or possibly late January). We are overjoyed! God is so good. His love has captured me in this moment.

                                             Here is Daddy's first picture with his two boys.

Already rough housing with his brother!!!

Our God is healer, awesome in power...

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

 

I came across this video through a friend's Facebook page today and it left me completely wrecked and awestruck by God's grace and unending love. I myself am a miracle baby born at just 28 weeks weighing 3 lbs 4 oz and dropping down to 2 lbs 9 oz soon after birth. Being born premature, I was in the NICU at Akron Children's Hospital for 3 months. The day I came home I weighed 4 lbs 15 oz.

Three years prior to my birth, my parents gave birth to Kimberly Michelle, my older sister. She was born at 26 weeks weighing 1 lb 15 oz and died three days after birth. My mom was so sick from complications she herself almost passed away. Only God could bring the type of healing that is needed to continue on after such a devastating loss.

Two years later, after my parents were told they could not have any more children, they went through the process to adopt my brother. Aaron was born on March 25th, 1981 and adopted by our parents around 3 months old. Soon after his adoption was finalized, our parents found out they were expecting another baby. I can only wonder what their first thoughts were? Extreme fear? Sheer joy? Both? I came into the world 3 months early on March 30th, 1982 exactly one year and five days after my brother. 

Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go."

Now a mother myself, I have thought many times of my mother's heart, her love for all of her children and the loss she experienced. I have thought so much of my dad and how painful it must of been for him to lose his little girl then almost lose his wife. I think about God's great mercy on us and the life he has given to us. I think about my own journey of becoming a mother.

We lost our first baby due to a miscarriage in the 8th week of pregnancy in November of 2007. Then, in December 2008 we were overjoyed and blessed to welcome our son, Noah. He has brought more joy to our lives than we had ever experienced before. He has shown us what it means to love unconditionally, unselfishly, and with a gracious heart. We lost our second baby to a miscarriage in August 2010 around 8 weeks. Then, in March of 2011, we lost our third baby miscarrying in the 9th week of pregnancy. We are now expecting again and are 20 weeks along. Through our suffering at the repeated loss of life, we also found such great gratitude and appreciation in the life of our son. The third miscarriage was especially difficult on us physically and emotionally. I ended up having to have a D&C procedure, then a second D&C procedure a week later due to complications. During this time I journaled my prayers and dealt with great anger at God. While speaking to my pastor, he brought healing through his powerful words. He assured me that life, eternal life, begins at conception. God has created a life. That baby already fully exists spiritually. When a baby does not make it to birth, in a way it is an amazing gift to them because they go straight from their mother's womb to the heart of God. They only know two places, their mother's womb and the heart of God. It is the farthest thing from thinking, "what did I do wrong, what's wrong with me?" When understanding it differently, it made me feel like God chose me to carry these babies that he would bring straight to him.

Though I hope to not experience the loss of another baby ever again, I know through Jeremiah 29:11 that he has "plans to prosper (me) and not to harm (me), plans to give me hope for a future. This current pregnancy has been a constant reminder of God's great love and affection towards us. We have received incredible care through our physicians and have had an extremely healthy pregnancy. I share this today in hopes that someone reading this will find comfort in it through God's grace. It is astounding the number of woman who have had great difficulty in conceiving, carrying or birthing a child (children). However, I know a sovereign God whose strength is greater, awesome in power and who is higher than any other.

In Him, I put my hope.

Psalm 107: 28-31 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men.

I thank Him for the awesome testimony that this video is to so many families in our world. I thank Him for the life he has created inside of me, for the 20 weeks I've had to carry this precious child already and for the hope of a lifetime of caring for this child of God.

What is your heart saying?

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Luke 6:45

Rocky Top

The Children's Museum of Oak Ridge and The Knoxville Zoo were great fun but what made the loooong drive worth it ---seeing Grandma!

Bringing Life into Focus for the Little One

Over the past few months, I've noticed the little one making adaptations to see things and having a unique desire for all things to be up close and personal! For example, books literally on the tip of his nose, standing inches away from the T.V and bringing his face right up to anything he wanted to observe more closely. I began to recognize that it wasn't just him being cute or inquisitive - he couldn't see! After asking around, I called and made an appointment to see a optometrist in our area that specializes in pediatrics. I was certain he would need reading glasses and on down the road we would go.

The small office was very accommodating for my little tornado of a toddler who thought all things his level were for playing with and all who worked there were there to play with him! They truly were so patient and exceptionally good with him! They had a children's waiting room with a train table and several toys including a Mr. Potato Head. While playing with "Mr. Tater" as he called him, we discovered he had glasses! The little one insisted on bringing his stuffed monkey to the appointment so we took the time to give him an eye exam while we waited. Check out monkey's new purple glasses (borrowed from Mr. Tater head).

After a long afternoon of tests and an eye examination we realized that our little one's vision was far worse than we expected. His prescription is extremely strong (+9) and will need a very thick lens. When someone else looks at a person wearing thick lensed glasses, the eyes appear magnified through the lens. I am some what apprehensive of how the lenses will change his appearance. However, excited that his little world is going to look so differently now! His tolerance for the doctor's office was fading and we decided to return the next day to look at glasses.

He tried on a pair of glasses that fit his face really well, however the lenses were much, much thinner than his prescription will be so it's kind of hard to visualize what they will look like with the correct lens. We also tried on "toddler friendly" (Julbo Brand) lenses that resemble goggles more than glasses. They are extremely durable and have a elastic pull cord (like sunglasses) to keep them on. But, I don't think I'm ready for those....

Anyway, we are going to follow up with his pediatrician just as precaution for his overall health. I am surprised by how upsetting this has been for me. Glasses are glasses, not that big of deal especially considering well, his mom, dad and grandparents all wear them so odds were he would too! But such extremely poor vision, at such a young age, is very concerning for me. I wasn't prepared to hear how bad his eyes were.

All this to say, this process has made my heart ache for families who go through major health issues with their children. Ours, thankfully, is not a major issue but it has still upset me. Good health is such a gift and something that we should give thanks for everyday.

Change. Transition. Endings and New Beginnings.

Change. Transition. Endings and new beginnings. In my life these things tend to be what I'm most resistant to. Why is this? In my kitchen I have several plants, the lucky ones that I have yet to kill are a reminder of the limits I sometimes put on myself. Eventually, a healthy plant will outgrow its pot. When replanted in a bigger pot, or outside, my experience has shown that the plant will transform into a much greater plant than I ever imagined it to be in its previous container.

Change. My career is the plant that has been repotted currently in my life. I have been blessed with the spectacular calling to teach. Graciously, God has given me many tools to do this job to the best of my ability, but moreover, he has given me an immense passion for children and their lives. After spending the last six years in the public school teaching as well as starting a non-profit educational foundation and curriculum within the state, I began to feel God calling me outside of the walls of the classroom. Striving to become a teacher and teaching have defined such a vast piece of my identity over the past decade. I'm finding that I miss my "little pot", my container, now that I've been repotted outside the walls of a classroom. However, my decisions for leaving the classroom at this time were rooted in these principals:

First and foremost grow closer to God and his desire for my life.
Second, become a better wife and mother to my family by making them the priority.
Third, allow God to use the gifts he has equipped me with in ways I have not yet imagined.

Transition. For the past two and a half years,I urned for my time with our precious son and struggled with the reality of him going to day care every day. Our time together during the week was minimized to the few short hours that were left after picking him up from day care, making dinner, giving him a bath and finally putting him to bed. I hated that others were watching his first steps, hearing his first words and spending more time with him than I was able to. As he grew, I began to appreciate the more positive aspects of his care and enjoyed watching his social skills develop. Many told me it wasn't the quantity, but the quality of the time we spent together as a family. Though, it never really got any easier for me to leave him at day care each day. All the while, I knew God had purpose and intention in what I was doing in my classroom each day during that time. Last spring, I started feeling like God was preparing me for a new purpose. Excited at the possibilities of the precious opportunity to spend more time with my family I was thrilled. Yet, at the same time, also heartbroken at no longer being a teacher at a school I adore with parents and children who teach me as much as I've taught them - who are like family in a way- to me. When the time came to turn a calling into action it came with great joy and deep sorrow. I know a classroom will always be there and these years that are already quickly passing will not. A few weeks after the decision was finalized, we found out we were expecting our second child. This, after miscarrying three times, felt like God was truly anointing our faithfulness to his calling for our family. Now almost 18 weeks pregnant, I rejoice in the great opportunity to wait upon the Lord and his timing for our next steps.

Reflecting upon the last few years, our testimony is a patchwork of God's grace, unconditional love and his faithfulness. With the downfall of our economy we nearly went bankrupt while at the same time riding the highs and lows of pregnancies and multiple miscarriages.

Painting by Caitlin Beidler of Redemption Art

Only God could have created this situation we are currently in that allows for me to be at home. Therefore, it also has brought an awareness that ONLY GOD knows how he will "grow" me for his kingdom and it is my job to be faithful in His timing and open to His call.

Endings and new beginnings. Though I do not have 24 little ones within four walls this year I do have one who looks to me for all things, who not only looks to me his teacher, but his mom. I also had been feeling like leaving the classroom was leaving my platform as a leader. Yet, God has shown me that when one platform is no longer there, build another. So, I'm building and I'm praying. What is God preparing you for? How are you using the leadership abilities he has given to you?

Hurricane Irene

The threat of the storm canceled our weekend plans so we suddenly had a wide open evening as a family! It turned out to be a real treat. After an incredible dinner (we tried another Clean Eating Recipe- from the July issue- for Ginger Soy Chicken and Edamame Stir-Fry) we played together as a family. First we painted with acrylics and then we played (or tried to) Chutes and Ladders with the little man.

Here is the recipe for the stir-fry. We served it over Basmati rice with a small salad.

Ingredients:
1 cup free chicken stock
1/4 cup soy sauce
3 tbsp almond butter
2 tsp grated fresh ginger
2 tsp honey
2 tsp dry mustard
2 tbsp safflower oil, divided (we used sesame seed oil)
2 lbs chicken breast, cut into 1 inch pieces
6 garlic cloves, minced
2 medium red bell pepper (we used 1 red and 1 yellow)
1 1/3 cup raw cashews
2 cups frozen shelled edamame, thawed
4 green onions, optional

Directions:
1. In a medium bowl, whisk broth with soy sauce, almond butter, ginger, honey and dry mustard. Set aside.

2. In a large nonstick wok or skillet heat 1 tbsp oil on medium-high heat. Add chicken and garlic and cook until chicken is browned and cooked through, about 6 minutes. Transfer to a bowl; heat remaining 1 tbsp oil in wok. Add pepper, cashews and edamame and cook for 5 minutes.
Return chicken to wok. Add onions (optional) and sauce. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-low and cook until sauce thickens, about 3 minutes.

Serve, eat and enjoy.

I almost forgot a picture! This was when we were cleaning up!